In Today’s Edition
Founder Reflection
Upcoming Events
Member Spotlight
Community Talk
Founder Reflection
Last week, I went to a talk about male loneliness and friendship with a psychologist called Angelica Ferrera, and it blew me away. The amount of work she’s done to look at the root causes of why men struggle to connect and build friendships with other men was astounding.
It made me realise we’re doing a lot of things right in the community, without fully understanding why. You’ve all seen the stats around male friendship - some one in three men in the UK report having no close friends - but one thing in particular really stuck out to me, and that’s how this community indirectly helps women too.
We see so much advocacy from women for the group, I can’t tell you the amount of times we’ve heard someone turn up to a Hyde Park walk saying their partner, sister, or female friend sent them. Why?
Well, it’s partly about emotional labour. For a lot of us, we struggled to open up to other men as teenagers or young men, and didn’t have any men in our lives to really confide in. For me, there was a fear around being open and vulnerable with another man - but I didn’t find that with women. And I used romantic relationships as a means to find safety and emotional security.
What that leads to is emotional dependence - which changes the nature of a romantic relationship from lovers to a therapist, or even a mother. And that puts huge pressure on your romantic partner or the other women in your lives, particularly when they may be a man’s only emotional outlet.
By creating a space for men to open up, or connect with, other men, we’re also creating a space for our romantic partners and our female friends to feel less pressure. To feel less dependence on them. There’s a real stigma around men-only communities, and I found this fascinating and a justification as to how this group has a net benefit for all genders.
You can find out about Angelica’s work by visiting her website: https://angelicaferrara.com/
Tom
Upcoming events for your calendar
April 23: Curry Club (Tayyabs) - SOLD OUT
April 24: Board Game Night (Loading Bar in Stoke Newington)
April 25: Thames Path Walk (London Bridge)
April 28: Dan and Tom keynote - Lessons from Building the Community (Clapham)
April 28: Cinema Night - Reservoir Dogs (Shoreditch)
April 29: Anime Club - SOLD OUT
May 1: S2S Retreat (Bournemouth) - LAST FEW TICKETS REMAINING
May 2: Hampstead Heath Walk
May 3: Exploring London’s Museums and Art Galleries (British Library)
A reminder all of these events are hosted on our dedicated S2S platform: shoulder.mn.co
The welcome guide to our S2S platform can be found below:
Member Spotlight
Eamon. Eamon. Eamon. What a guy.
Eamon’s been around for a few months, and has been a member of other men’s communities in London - but we think he’s finally found a home with S2S.
He’s a really great example of someone who started by simply turning up to a walk, and now does a huge amount for us in his role as a Connector. From setting up five-a-side football, hosting our big hike in Chess Valley yesterday, and constantly creating IRL meet-ups, we couldn’t be more grateful to have him with us.
Thank you Eamon.
One last note
Dan and I are doing a free talk on Tuesday, April 28 at the Arding Rooms in Clapham (7pm start). It’s about community, it’s about connection, it’s about everything we’ve learnt in the 15 months we’ve been running S2S.
But here’s why I think you should come. We also talk about our relationships with our dads, how both of them were looking for connection and belonging, but weren’t able to find it, and how that manifested in very different ways.
We see that time and time again with the men in the group, and we can’t help but feel if there was a resource like S2S available for our dads when they were struggling, things would’ve turned out very differently.
Tickets are FREE and can be purchased here: Community Talk