A couple of weeks ago, Dan and I did a keynote talk at an agency called Uncovered, covering the story of S2S and lessons we’ve learnt from building the community. At the heart of our story is the relationship we have with our fathers. So strap in, because this week’s reflection is an emotional one. 

My dad and I were estranged for most of my life. The last time I saw him, I was 14. I spent decades feeling angry, then confused, then eventually - through a lot of work - something closer to understanding. He'd had a tough childhood of his own. He never felt good enough, and that showed up as absence, as avoidance, as fleeting relationships with no real depth. 

At the start of 2024, I got a message that he wasn't well. I’d arranged to travel up to see him. The morning I was due to go, we got a message saying he wasn't feeling up to it. I never saw him again, he passed away a couple of months later. Five people came to his funeral. Four of them were the children he never really knew.

Dan's dad's story is different, but the root is the same. Growing up, Dan didn't know what depression or anxiety were - dads are meant to be invincible, aren’t they? When Dan was 22, his mum called. His dad had been sectioned, taken in for his own safety. He spent six months in hospital. When Dan finally asked him, years later, why he thought it happened, the answer surprised them both: not diet, not lifestyle, but a lack of connection and purpose. Two things his dad had never learned to prioritise, or even name.

Neither of our dads had what we're trying to build with S2S. They didn't have a group of men who knew them, who they could be honest with, who gave them somewhere to belong. We started Shoulder to Shoulder because we didn't want that to be our story too - and because we knew we couldn't be the only ones who felt that way.

So in this week’s newsletter, we're asking you to think about the men who shaped you - fathers, uncles, older brothers, mentors - and ask yourself honestly: did they have real connection? Do they now? And if the answer's no, maybe you're the person who could change that for them.

We can't go back and change our dads' stories. But we can change ours, and the stories of the men in our community, and that ‘why’ is a big part of the reason we keep going. 

Tom

We will only ever work with brands who show a desire to properly integrate into the community, and last Thursday we welcomed two of the Sons’ team - Richard and Michael - to our sauna and cold plunge event to get a feel for the S2S magic. 

I won’t speculate on what happened exactly - what goes down in the sauna stays in the sauna - but the fact they’re both keen to come to more events as humans, rather than brand people, tells you everything you need to know about the culture we’ve all created here. 

A big thank you to Sons for its continued support and for encouraging hair loss conversations at S2S!

S2S members get 50% off Sons three and six months plans, with free biotin and a welcome pack with any order. 

If this sounds like a bit of you, head over to sons.co.uk and use S2S50 at checkout. Ad

And a reminder you can read our brand partner policy here: Brand Partner Policy

It’s holiday season, so we expect a lot of the community to be less available over the next few weeks. 

But please do ensure if you commit to an event and can no longer make it, that you take responsibility for exchanging your ticket with someone else rather than leaving it up to the event organisers.

Our Connectors do so much for the community already and this would be a great help. 

Thanks

Dan and Tom